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Married at 30 and then divorced at 42, I arrived at mid-life no more prepared to date than a 14-year-old schoolgirl. First, when I was in my early twenties and supposedly at the height of my powers of attraction, I was weighed down by about 20 extra pounds and a rock-bottom self image.But there I was, a schoolgirl with crow’s feet, a mortgage and two kids — heading out into the dating world. Since then, I’ve had some disappointments, a lot more fun than I ever expected, a few very late nights, some long talks, a couple of promising relationships and finally a relationship that held more than promise, but through it all, I’ve learned a lot—about myself and about dating in the Middle Ages, or at least, in my middle age. Then I lost the weight (but not the low self-esteem) and spent about half a decade embroiled in a tragic, long-distance relationship that always seemed really tempting when we were hundreds of miles apart and then a monstrous mess when we were in the same city for more than 24 hours.And rather than my identity being shaped by marriage, my identity now dictates the options I have for marriage, if those even remain for me.

Many people in midlife have family obligations that limit the time they can devote to dating.During the years when I thought I’d marry in my 20s, I assumed I’d figure out a lot of life’s big questions in relationship to a husband and probably children.Instead, I’ve spent the (gulp) two decades since high school facing those questions with God, my church, and good friends.I was pretty much a stay-at-home mom at the time whose idea of dressing up was maybe a sweat shirt that didn’t have a stain dribbling down the front.But while I’d grown older and my wardrobe had grown shabbier, I’d also sprouted a semblance of self-esteem and confidence and — I’m not saying this to brag, just sharing information with readers who may need it — apparently this shiny self-esteem stuff seemed to count for more than youth ever did because, oddly, men were more interested in me than they had been when I was in my twenties.The two of you can talk for hours, but when it comes to sexual chemistry, the spark is missing or flat.This combination creates a lasting friendship with a great guy or gal long after the date has ended.Those weren’t her exact words, of course, but the gist of what she said was that our odd quirks and habits become more prominent as time passes, and our rough spots get rougher without enough close human friction to sand-smooth them down.My cousin was probably younger than I am now when she said that and free to date without today’s many online “aids” to romance.Once in a relationship, this information will help you figure out whether or not the relationship has the potential to go somewhere.Your 4 Unique Connections Between Men And Women Your Heart And Mind If you connect with someone through each other's heart and mind, you've probably found a man or woman you absolutely love and adore.He or she is perfect for taking to a wedding or an event that you don't want to attend on your own.Or the one you take to the latest movie you want to see.Either way, it's nice to be this type of relationship that is usually laid back and easy.Your Mind And Body The mixture of your mind plus a physical connection creates a "friends with benefits" partner.

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