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This goes back to less stable times, when marriage meant much-needed security, but of course this is by no means a purely Chinese phenomenon: In 2010, 44% of American women had married by age 25, but way way back in 1995, more than 59% had been hitched by 25.

China is relatively new to the whole modern-stable-globalized-internet (still working on that last one, really) country thing, and when your culture is over 4,000 years in the making, old habits die hard.

In fact, I once dated a girl who would only meet up at places that her parents AND grandmother had pre-approved; as you can imagine none of these places were very fun.

Your lady’s generation may well be the first to have that freedom of romantic choice, and that's something you need to keep in mind while making your decisions for your relationship – there simply isn't a ton of cultural precedent for her to fall back on.

So we’ve gotten a few questions lately about dating in China.

I’ve been living in South Korea for more than 3 years, going on dozens of dates and then dating many Korean women not because I wanted to, but because of I had no other choice: I’m a foreigner. I’ve read books about the country, am learning the language, and have helped both foreigners and Koreans with their dating lives.You need to understand that dating a foreigner is still seen as taboo here.On top of that, you’re going to have communication barriers beyond just language.In fact, the most recent figures from 2.4 million users of Facebook dating apps showed a clear skew in preference for women of East Asian descent by men of all racial groups, except, ironically, Asian men.As a Chinese, single woman in the UK - where I have rarely come across racism – my East Asian friends and I have encountered a fair share of men with telltale signs of yellow fever.It’s as if the Chinese are so foreign it doesn't count.In the UK, Sherry Fang, a 26-year-old British Chinese student, tells me she's had strangers say to her “you look just like his ex, she was also Chinese”, and argues it would be wholly inappropriate if she were black or Indian. In fact it can be downright frustrating no matter how much you love each other! Contrary to what many clueless people say: dating or getting seriously involved with a Korean woman, isn’t easy at all.One acquaintance told me in wonderment that Chinese women are great in the bedroom – as if I wasn't one – to being casually asked if I’d be interested in a guy “who has been with Chinese girls and likes it”.I’ve been left puzzled by the insensitivity, and the lack of awareness that such comments may cause offence.Consider, too, the generational issue at play here: The lovely lady you’ve been crushing on’s parents and grandparents are the ones exerting that pressure to get married, even though she herself may not feel that she’s ready or interested.That's because her grandparents' and possibly (depending on where in China she is from) her parents still value marital stability above all else in their time, given the instability and volatility of their eras. As Askakorean blog concisely states, Women in Korea were clearly divided into two camps along the dichotomy, and it is a one-way street if they do cross the divide. Instead, Korean couples use kakaotalk messenger to keep each other updated non-stop. There’s always variations from couple to couple, but the fact that this list exists may come as a surprise. While couples in North America are much more “chill” and like to take things slow, my observation of Korean couples is that they love going all out and externally celebrating their togetherness.




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